A child’s natural instinct is to play, explore, and seek your attention. As parents, it’s our responsibility to foster positive discipline, helping them understand healthy boundaries while creating an environment of love and respect. Let’s clarify from the start: positive discipline is not permissive discipline.
Positive discipline involves clear and consistent limits. How and when we communicate those limits is just as important as the message itself. Let’s explore practical strategies to address a common challenge: when you call your child’s name, and they ignore you or even run away.
Strategies at Home: Role Play and Consistent Practice
At home, it’s essential to practice how you want your child to respond when they hear their name. A fun and effective way to do this is through role-playing.
Create a familiar scenario: Involve other family members in the activity. For example, while your child is playing with a sibling or another adult, go to another part of the house and call the sibling or adult by name. Have that person respond positively, such as:
“Coming!”
“I’m here. What do you need?”
Reinforce the desired response: When your child notices this interaction, acknowledge their attention with positive feedback, such as:
“That’s how we respond when someone calls our name! Thank you for listening.”
This activity helps model the behavior you want to see, in a positive and pressure-free way.
When to Use a Firm Tone and How to Model It
Your tone of voice is an essential tool in communication. A firm tone should be reserved for emergencies or for when immediate action is required and for safety concerns, such as when a child is about to run into the street or is in imminent danger.
Model the firm tone for your child:
In a calm moment, explain to your child why and when you’ll use a stronger tone. For example:
“I will use a louder and firmer voice when there’s an emergency, like if I need you to look at me quickly because something might be dangerous. This is what it sounds like: [Use a clear, strong, and steady tone]‘[Child’s name], stop now!’ This tone means I need your attention immediately.”
Practice together at home:
Turn it into a game. Explain:
“When I use this tone, I need you to stop and look at me right away. Let’s practice so you’ll know what to do.”
Use the firm tone during the practice session and wait for your child to stop what they’re doing and look at you. Then, offer positive reinforcement:
“You did a great job stopping and looking at me! Thank you for listening.”
This helps your child understand and recognize the tone as a safety signal rather than something to fear.
Strategies for the Park: Clear Communication and Positive Reinforcement
In a lively environment like the park, children can become easily distracted by the excitement of play. Preparing them in advance and setting clear expectations can make all the difference:
Set rules before leaving:
“We’re going to the park, and we’ll play for one hour. When I call your name, I want you to look at me. I’ll let you know when it’s time to go. If I use a firm tone, it means there’s an emergency, and I need you to look at me immediately to keep us safe.”
Call calmly and focus on positive reinforcement: While at the park, avoid yelling or using an authoritative tone unnecessarily. Instead, call their name calmly and acknowledge positive behaviors:
“I see you jumping so high! I love how you’re playing so calmly.”
“I noticed how you shared the swing. That was very kind!”
Highlighting positive behaviors helps your child associate hearing their name with pleasant interactions rather than reprimands.
What to Do If Your Child Runs? Practice at Home
If your child tends to run when you call them, avoid chasing after them—it can turn into a game. Instead:
Pause and set clear boundaries: Say something like:
“I’m here. I called your name because I need you to come. It’s not safe to run away from me.”
Provide choices within boundaries: In Montessori, we offer choices, but they must be safe. For example:
“You can walk to me now, or you can stay here until you’re ready to listen.”
Practicing this regularly is vital to prevent emergencies, such as if your toddler puts something unsafe in their mouth and you need them to come immediately.
Turn Practice into a Game
To help your child learn these rules, practice when everyone at home is in a good mood. Some key tips:
Choose the right time: Practice when both you and your child are calm, not hungry or tired.
Be consistent: Ensure that everyone in the household follows the same rules and participates in the practice.
Avoid practicing during moments of frustration or discomfort. The goal is to create a positive and joyful learning experience.
Remember: In Montessori, the Environment is Key
A foundational Montessori principle is to modify the environment so the child feels comfortable and secure. This includes setting clear and consistent limits, offering choices appropriate for their developmental stage, and ensuring the child feels supported.
While this blog focuses on working with children who run when called, there’s much more to explore about setting effective limits. Stay tuned for the next blog on this topic! Author: Kiani Richardson, Montessori Credentialed Teacher 3-6, MACTE, BA, HS Math Education. Montessori Certificate 0-3 NAMC
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